• James Jadus

Google.com Blocked, Stated “Too Entertaining”

Updated: Nov 7, 2018

In a stunning turn of events, Columbus High School administration has blocked student access to Google, one of the most popularly accessed websites by students. The ban affects not only the beloved search engine page but also the subdomains of the site, such as Google Drive and Google Slides. Even YouTube, which the school district recently partially unblocked, is now fully closed off to students. Columbus High administration fully supports their decision, saying that the site was distracting for students trying to do their work.

“We first blocked Coolmath Games site in an attempt to get students to focus on their work,” states one administrator. “When we saw that student productivity increased as a result, we decided to find the next most popular site students accessed. Since Google was next on the list, blocking it should increase productivity even further!”

Columbus High students are reacting negatively to the change, with many outraged at the decision.

“Who in the world blocks Google of all sites?” remarked one freshman. “Sure, I have all my school stuff on there, but the real tragedy here is that I can’t play Atari Breakout with Google Images. What am I supposed to do now, schoolwork?”

“I’ll admit I enjoyed playing the Zerg Rush game and everything,” commented another student, “but now that Google is blocked, I can’t search up answers to assignments. I mean, it’s not like other search engines exist!”

Administration stands by its decision, stating that students’ efforts will now surely be focused on schoolwork instead of attempting to circumvent the ban.

In other related news, the Google Chrome dinosaur game has reportedly also been blocked by school administration.

Update: In a stunning twist of events, Columbus High School administration seems to have unblocked both Coolmath Games and Google for their students. The school's administration now denies any participation in blocking sites so conducive to learning, stating they prefer to monitor electronic use instead of preemptively taking action.

Note: all events in this article (except for the blocking and subsequent unblocking of Coolmath Games) are entirely fictional.


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